Monica
writes, "I am a 35 year old female who has
started dating after a long and unhealthy marriage.
I am what most standards class as a
BBW. I have
self-image
issues. I believe that I have a
pretty
face and
wonderful personality and much to give on the inside
but I do not
like my body. I have
scars
from surgeries and
I'm fat. Plain and simple. I have always felt that
guys who
hit on me are taking pity on me or that they
consider me like a joke because of my own
dislike
for my body. I see other
heavy women who aren't afraid to
wear shorts
or skirts
and they seem so happy and I envy them. I have started
dating a
wonderful man but all of his
past girlfriends and his
ex-wife were all very
petite. I have this urge to be suspicious of
WHY
he is dating me. When he tells me he
finds me attractive I feel like he is lying to me. I
know this is my issue and not his but I need help on
how
to start the process of building my self-esteem. I
have begun to
lose weight and
take care of my body but my fear of not being able
to be loved truly because of my body and it's appearance
is killing me inside. Can you point me in the right
direction?"
I appreciate your not being in denial and that is a
great quality to have to deal with your problems head
on. Here are my thoughts:
- I am not sure that guys will pity
on you or think of you as a joke. As you already
know, there are just so many
overweight men and
women today (2 out of 3). What that means is that
there is much more
acceptance of overweight/obese
people than the
Hollywood media makes it appear. In
fact, as you rightly said, a lot of
fat women are
just fine
flaunting their fat and make no attempt to
hide it -- no wonder then that lots of
fat
is visible
in the mall and on the beach. So many men are just
fine with it and you should understand that. And if
you have other great qualities, you are probably very
attractive as a person.
- The same logic applies to your
current man. Give him the benefit of doubt. I feel
that he may be drawn to your personality or your
face or your
sense
of humor or whatever else he likes about you. And
yes, his past women may have all been
skinny but
they could be bitches (there is a reason why he left
them and is now with you). That is why he would rather
have someone warm and sweet like you than to deal
with a diva.
- I am glad that you appreciate
that you need to
build your self esteem and here are
a few simple steps to get started:
- Start a daily journal and
write one good thing about you every day. It
could be something as simple as the way you
greeted someone in the elevator or how you
treated the cashier at the
supermarket.
- Do ONE thing just for you
daily. It could be as simple as trying a new
hairstyle or
going for a manicure or
buying a
pair of pretty panties or
cooking a dish you have
read about in a magazine.
- When you get up in the
morning spend just one minute
thinking something
positive about you. Let me give an
example. I know I take my
eyes for granted but
after speaking to a few
blind
women I know now how
blessed I am. I also know the awesome life that
I have in America; I am sure that someone in
Africa will do anything to experience it even
for one day. What I am saying is that you can
definitely find lots of positive things about
you and your life.
- Make a list of your friends
and family members and stop socializing those
that make you feel low and down while trying to
interact more with those who
uplift your mood,
inspire you, and want to help you.
- Get a
digital camera, put
new
outfits together, try new
hairstyles,
put
makeup on, and just take pictures using the
auto function. Imagine you are a
model or
movie
star.
These techniques work because I have
tried them with women in the past. Trust me, as they
say, doing this for just 21 days (apparently that is
what you need to acquire a new habit), can
change you
life. |
