Whether you are a woman or a man, if you have low self-esteem, you have very little hope of succeeding in life both professionally and in personal relationships. Having said that it does not mean that there is nothing that can be done about improving your self-esteem. Sometimes all you need is a lot of positive thinking and inspiration from a close friend or mentor or even a spiritual guide. Many people can be inspired someone they never meet and can connect with in other ways (e.g. by watching Oprah on television).

Let us see what Victoria is going through. She has very low self esteem because of what she thinks as “lack of femininity.”  She says, “As a result, I never let my long-term boyfriend see me completely undressed or touch my chest - even when we are being intimate (except for a few rare cases in which he kept insisting until I could not take it any more - yet I could not help feeling exposed and embarrassed during those moments. So I am sure that I must have made horrible love on those occasions, always feeling that he would prefer being with someone much more copious and feminine. I am always afraid that he desires all other voluptuous women - and comparing me to them (I know I do). Whenever he (or anyone else) dares to compliment me regarding my body, I always believe they are just being polite/lying/mocking. I am always afraid that everyone is staring at me thinking of me as a UGO (unidentifiable gender object), since I have never been able to forget that “slow worm” (small sized and flat little creature) comment/label I once got from an ex-boyfriend of my very early 20s. I could really use some piece of advice regarding how to learn to love my body, stop having such low self esteem, get rid of all the insecurities/inferiority complex/ negativity, start feeling good and desirable, feeling happy and proud of who I am. And among other things, not ending up ruining that beautiful long-term relationship I have with a fabulous young man I deeply love.”  (Related article:  Plastic surgery raises self esteem and improves body image)

You are basically making your own life difficult and no one else can be held responsible for your low self-esteem. If someone hurt you many years ago, you just have to move on leaving the unpleasant memories behind. Since you are actually asking several questions, let me answer some of your questions one-by-one.  (Related:  Self esteem tips from Hillary Duff)

Question: Do men really like women like me?
Yes, they do. If your boyfriend is with you it is because he likes you for who you are. If size were an issue, he would have never bothered with you. He would have gone with someone else who had what he wanted. So if he respects you as you are and loves you the way you look, then you should respect his choice too and you can do that by giving him what he wants - which is he wants to make love to you like anyone else and you should therefore not be shy in undressing in front of him.  (Related article:  Being beautiful on the inside not just outside)

I have met hundreds of men who like only women with small breasts. They actually hate/dislike large ones. We like what we like; there is no scientific explanation for our likings. But it is in fact true that there are lots of men who actually enjoy being with only flat-chested women, based on research conducted by MYNIPPON. And when they praise you they are not just being nice, they are actually being totally truthful and delighted to be in your company.  (Related: Self esteem for girls)

Question: Does he compare me with other girls?

As I have spoken to hundreds of men, women, and couples, I have found that they all do. It is human nature to look at others and compare. It is also normal to be attracted to others. I love my wife and I think she is very pretty but when I see a movie star or a model on TV, we both know that I am attracted to her but that is no big deal. What matters is if you are together and have genuine love for each other. To imagine that you will only look and love your partner and will simply have no feelings at all for anyone else, is being unrealistic.  (Related:  Elle Macpherson does not want plastic surgery)

Question: Are there men that only like big breasts and don't like small chests?
Yes, there are and they are also mean enough to say so to women like you. What can you do? Nothing; but you can kick them out of your life and go be with someone who actually likes women like you.  So please do not ruin your relationship with this wonderful man. Respect his wishes and love for you. Do what he wants to do with you.   Look at yourself in the mirror every day. Remember that no one is perfect. Even women with large breasts have parts of their bodies that they don't like; so no one is really truly happy with their bodies. It is unrealistic to expect that everything will be perfect about us. And most men have the same issues to. So enjoy what God has given you and keep smiling – along with your boyfriend.

Recommended links:  Guide to love and life for women    How to look attractive?    Feminine women have high self esteem

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