| Vanessa
writes, "I'm 22 years old and my husband is 26 years
old. We also have a daughter. Since he does not
make enough money to support all of us, we live now
in his mother's house. My problem is that my hubby loves
his work a lot more than any thing else, even me and his
daughter. I see him only in the morning. He returns in
the evening way past my bedtime and he prefers to
sleep
in a separate room. He never takes us out because his
mum is very
jealous because she dictates everything that should
happen in the house and he
obeys her
like a pet. In general, I cannot
spend any
private time with my husband to just talk or
be intimate with him. When I ask for time, he always
gets angry and tells me that all I do is to give him a
headache by talking about problems. He says that all
matters related to our daughter and family in general
are not his problem and he should be left alone to deal
with problems at work -- I should work them out with his
mother. He has also refused to let me
change my life by allowing me to take
dance
lessons saying that he does not love those things. I
am so
lonely,
depressed, and
desperate to
save my marriage. Please help me deal with this
heartless husband." How to
survive in a family with a dominant mother?
It is very sad to know that your husband loves his job
and mother more than his wife and child but I am hoping
that if you try a few tricks hopefully he will realize
that it is important to
love
his family and it can be fun too. Here are a few
things to try:
- Instead of treating your
mother-in-law as the enemy,
become her friend. Try to get close to her by
doing things for her and asking her for advice even
if you do not need it or already know the answer.
That way she will feel important and think
that she needs to protect and guide you. Many
mothers who are close to their sons feel
threatened by the wife because they fear that now
their power is disappearing. So if you make her your
friend, she can make all your dreams come true.
- Try to bring your
mother-in-law when you go out. After going out a
few times, my hope is that she will not want to go
out with you (she will discover that it is awkward
for her to tag along with a young couple) and ask
you two to go out alone, but it is important that
you request her to go out with you; otherwise she
might feel left out and will create problems out
of
jealousy.
- Do not ask your husband for
anything that he does not want to do because he is
too afraid of his mother. As you develop a closer
relationship with his mother, you can use her to
tell him what to do. If things go according to plan,
I am confident that you can ask his mother to tell
him to
go on
a vacation with you or
spend
more time with you.
- Regarding changing your life, I
can understand why he is opposed to
dancing, but is it possible for you to try
going back to college or learn something that
will
make his life better, like cooking lessons or
home
decoration?
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