Arnold
is having
communication issues with his long-distance girlfriend.
They also seem to have core differences in their
expectations about life in general and their
relationship in particular, but they are still in deep
love. He writes, "I have concluded in this silence many
things. Yes, she is a good woman, and yes, with some
very far reaching ideals and extremely impossible
visions and needs. I suspect that she has
depression too, and
very little self esteem or belief. Hence her
clinging to
Christ so deeply. Also due to my indifference and
blunt or curt manner, she views it, I feel, as not being
sympathetic to her.
I think she is unwell, and more than she admits too;
hence, her finding
distraction so fervently away from
herself and imposing such rigid rules. So I have adopted
a healthier line in my thinking and reproached my online
and personal views and actions in accordance of my
understandings so far. I do genuinely love her. I
do really care how unwell she is. And I seriously think
she is being told how to act to me in lieu of recent
emails.
Therapists or counselors, and ones who are biased
towards
faith seem unethical, but as she is a client and
clearly "IS" in desperate need. I fear she is deeply
vulnerable to outside forces. So I will let time and me
getting on here decide this.
Also she does seem to be exceedingly gullible to others
who talk about
Jesus, or anything she shares and is passionate
over. I often get reminded of how cool these people are
who how she loves to connect deeply. I think from her
anger and then her silent activities she is desperate to
have her love reciprocated on her own ideology and
terms. I am sure we all do; it's hard to not fall into
self-confirming bias often. But I do often step outside
this and myself and let go of the pride. I think
what hurts me more than anything else, is not us or love
or the matter of each other, but how we react and
respond and assess this. Her anger seems to be directed
at me not being humanly able to have always fulfilled
her need to be loved. And a refusal at times to accept
error in others unless it conforms to a
religious sense
of piety or redemptive action.
Often too as
her father died when she was 20, there is a huge
void or gap in her soul. She wants to be protected,
assured, and does get moments when as a 41 year old
woman she still seems like she is 15 or emotionally
intense. Anger is a byproduct often of
unattainable ideals we set upon ourselves possibly.
Rather than accepting failure in ourselves or others as
quite normal in conjunction to life pressures and to get
along.
I'm reading Georg Hegel
to occupy space, being polite online and remaining
active to my own direction. Looking at how I express my
words more deeply and with more compassion, and giving
her time and space to assess. If her
feminist, religious counselor is putting thoughts
there over what respect, boundaries, and how a man
should be and ideals in her mind. Then the wise option
is to refrain from feeding the beast and starve it out.
Oh and she is right about my
emotions and feelings and I do need to manage how I
react to them more responsibly. I do see all she tells
me. But I like who I am, I wouldn't be me or produce the
art and study I do if not. The silence between us right
now is probably the best thing for us both."
It is best to just, as you have
decided, let things remain quiet and hopefully with time
you will get the desire to
move on.
You are both good people and get along fine most of the
time but probably will make lousy
life
partners.
Related:
Christian relationship |
