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Patty, a
happily married woman with two kids, writes, "I have
come to the conclusion that
one
can love many at the same time. Women are doing just
that, as our time has come! But the rest of the world
may not be ready. And for a girl who came from an
all-girl family, I am surprised at how much more
conservative men are about
true
love and
monogamy. Would you agree? Many people tell me they
had the
fling and
affairs and now they want the real-deal. But I am
not in a real-deal kind of mood. How does one convince a
younger male lover that he is special in his own
way, but I would never
break my family unit? My rule is no one gets hurt."
Yes,
the whole idea of
monogamy exists not because that is what humans
want; it was pushed by governments and
religious
establishments to bring more structure to the
tribal societies in the past. When a
man had relationships with multiple women and
fathered
children with all of them and if these
women had multiple lovers with children from some or
all of them, it was chaotic in those communities when
fathers would simply refuse to pay for the support of
their kids. Promotion of the idea that
one man/one woman marrying,
having kids, and raising them was best for social
order at the time and here we are. Fortunately,
with economic and technological changes, it is now
indeed possible to be guided by your heart but still
have
fathers support their kids because
genetic testing is accurate and our legal system
works.
Obviously,
it will take some time for the world to change and
accept this reality. I do not know if the men are truly
conservative about this but it seems that men are just
selfish. It is fine if
guys have multiple lovers but they just don't want
to let their
wives do it.
Carla
Bruni is polyamorous and
Lindsay Lohan has confessed to being a fan of polyamory.
Regarding
your
extramarital lover, there is no way to convince him.
He simply doesn't get it and will not, but if you keep
looking, someone will. The reality is that
he too is looking for the real deal and since that
is the case, he is not the one you want. And maybe it
will be hard to find one for you and that is why the
solution is simple: please yourself with whom you fancy
and when he starts talking the real deal, just let him
go. It is better to move on to the next than to convince
the one whose vision is very narrow. |
