| Nigel
writes, "I am a
married man and we have known this couple for years
now. The
woman is a friend of my wife. When we hang out with
them some times, I have noticed as if she is
flirting with me and paying
special attention to me. A matter of great relevance
is the fact that she's married to a
real gem of a person. Yes, I agree he may not be
living up to all
her whims and fantasies but overall that guy is a
wonderful human being, one who has given his wife
every kind of liberty. I suspect that he may have
noticed her
flirting
with me at and I'm positive may have whiffed it off,
assuming it to be alright and within the boundaries of
normal social conduct. Therefore, I feel a little out of
league thinking that she's interested in me. Besides,
what she did could also be a coincidence or just her
cheerful,
charming personality. I am confused as hell. I like
her very much and would actually
pay a million bucks to kiss her just once. She is
extra nice to my wife too, but why does she withdraw,
even if she feels it is a safe thing to do. How can I be
sure that she wants to cozy up with me? In case
she doesn't or for any reason doesn't want to take the
risk of such a behavior and I
make a move and get caught at the wrong foot, my
marriage will go to hell and so will I. Is there a
sure shot way to assess that she really does want to
have something with me on the side for which she might
be willing to
make space? With regards to my behavior towards her,
it's normal, courteous, and for the most part formal, as
one would behave with a wife's friend. Therefore, I may
not have left any loose ends or may not have given her
any ideas. I read other posts on your website, one of
which recommended to
buy a gift for the person you wish to pursue, but
here I must put it, if I'm self suggesting myself into
thinking that she is interested in me, therefore,
viewing the whole episode in that light and surgically
ignoring other facts pertaining to the situation, then
I'm putting my head in a loaded
shotgun
and
buying a gift would actually pull the trigger.
Please advise." Why do
married
women play hard-to-get?
If
you read what you wrote 'I make a move and get caught at
the wrong foot, my marriage will go to
hell and so will I,' well, the same thing is going
through her head as well. And she is, like you, probably
wondering the same things that you are: why has this man
not responded to my advances, is he really interested,
can I
seduce him,
can I
trust him, etc.
Unfortunately, human beings like to live in a world in
which true
honesty is scary. Personally, I would like to live
in a world, in which if I
like a woman, I can simply go to her and ask, "Hey,
I would like to
make love to you. Would you?" And unlike in the
world today, she could safely and politely say either
"Hey, I was thinking the same," or "I am not interested.
Thanks." I often wonder why you can easily substitute
sex
with 'dance'
or 'drink'
and everyone is fine with that but not with
sex.
Let the mating dance begin
What this means is that like most
man-woman interactions, the
mating
game has to begin in which both you and her will
test each other to assess intentions and to test/demonstrate
trust. Remember that she may
trust you as a good man (and that is why she has
engaged in this
flirtatious behavior). but for the right reasons she
does not trust you yet if you can
hold off a
secret. What if a guy in your situation simply
mentions to his wife, "Honey, this
friend of
yours is trying to hit on me." The next thing you
know the
wife wants to eat this woman alive for lunch.
How to demonstrate that you can be
a trustworthy secret lover?
My suggestion would be to do
absolutely nothing right now. The best things in
life require enormous patience and the
fruit is even sweeter if you wait. With her recent
advances in public, you do not want to raise any
suspicions right away. That is why any efforts to be
extra nice to her will raise a flag (as a
married
man you probably know how
women are
suspicious of their female friends when it comes to
their husbands). So just wait for things to evolve.
Interact with them as you always have but unlike your
past behavior that you describe as 'normal, courteous,
and for the most part, formal, therefore, I may not have
left any loose ends or may not have given her any
ideas,' you need to change that. In most cases, a smile,
a nod, a wink, or casual remarks ('I like your
shoes,' 'I like the way you mixed these ingredients
to make that
coconut
curry,' 'I admire how you manage to
smile
even in the most stressful moments," etc.). In summary,
you want to hint to her that you have
noticed
her signals, are
responding
to her advances, are amenable to something more, and
can be trusted. From what I have learned, once a
woman has assured herself that a man can be trusted,
she knows what to do from then on. She will make
everything else happen.
Trust me, if you read it right so far, a little patience
and slight change in behavior will be rewarded with a
kiss (and maybe more), and then you can
wire
the million dollars to me. |
