writes, "I'm a 22 year old
virgin and I think I'm ready to
lose my virginity but the thing is that when the
time to make love comes I feel scared. I have been
trying several times but get cold feet at the last
moment. I even broke up with my last boyfriend because
of being so scared to
sleep with him. Sometimes I am even shy to say that
still a virgin. Please help."
Virginity is not a deficiency but an
First of all there is no reason to be shy or embarrassed
you are a virgin (Remember Steve Carrel acting how
some 40 year old virgins exist and then there are
30 year old virgins too, though I have to admit that
Americans are not virgins on their wedding day and
it is nearly impossible to
find virgins these days). If the man that you are
with is decent, mature, and loving, he will totally
understand and be very supportive (and probably very
happy), but in case you are not sure about him, most men
can never find out anyway. From a man's perspective, it
is nearly impossible to
out if a woman is a virgin or not. So you don't even
have to tell him. Or, you can always say that you wanted
it to be with someone special (I suspect that will make
him very happy too) and that is why you waited.
Now, I can totally understand why you are scared. We all
are of anything that we have never done before.
Are you scared that it will hurt?
It doesn't, despite all the
misinformation. I am hoping that prior to
penetration, you will engage in some
foreplay and that will lubricate you well,
considering that you are just 22. Also, regardless of
whether you are on the
birth control pill or not, you can insist on a
lubricated condom which makes it totally painless. And
if it does hurt (in the remotest of scenarios), you can
always ask him to slow down or even stop. Generally
speaking, simply adjusting your body a little bit makes
it more comfortable.
Are you scared that you won't be able to do something
unique and special?
Honestly, of course most
men like a
woman to be an active partner while
kissing, there is not much else a woman needs to do
or at least she can get away with doing nothing (though
my suggestion would be to just do what you feel like).
And like anything else in life, this is one of those
things you can only get better by doing it yourself. It
doesn't matter how many tips I give you, in the end, you
will learn as you go. So for your very first time just
don't worry about being able to give some kind of
mind-blowing experience to your partner (and if it
is with someone around your age, he is probably not very
skilled himself -- even in my 40s and having been active
for over 20 years, I still consider myself a learner,
because there is so much to learn).
There are also a few other suggestions to
get ready to make love for the first time and use
them if you feel comfortable.