Hillary has been
in one bad
relationship after another and at the age of 48, two
divorces, and four
failed
relationships, she is reevaluating her life and her
personality. "It's time to focus on me and my issues and I do
need help. I need to understand why I
choose relationships where my needs are never met.
I've done some reflection, journal writing and reading in an
attempt to
get more awareness. In the past, once I did
recognize some experience which may have led to my
dysfunctional thinking, behavior, reactions; still not much
changed. I have lots of
fears,
insecurity, and abandonment issues, which have led to
codependency,
communication problems, anger (hurt feelings),
jealousy,
and an
untrusting attitude. Probably, just the tip of the
iceberg. I'm having a hard time motivating myself to change. I
feel immobilized. Other than going to work, I just
sleep and watch TV apart from reading a lot and writing
down thoughts and feelings. I can not seem to get myself to
even clean, shop, water my plants, etc. I'm hoping with time I
will begin to feel more energized. I was exercising and now
have stopped that too. Please help me," she writes.
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 While you do say
that you have so many issues and it is good that you recognize
those, I think that also makes it so overwhelming - as if you
can't deal with them because there are so many. I would really
like to simplify this. I think one theme that lies under
almost all of your problems is lack of self worth. You have to
treasure your body and soul and treat it as something special
- not just something that you need in order to
get the next
man to notice you. Once you achieve that, everything else
will fall into place.
And how do you do that?
Do just
one special thing to nurture your soul every single day.
Can you do that? How about 30 days to start with?
(Related:
How to make
a new beginning?) |
And
how can you treat yourself special each day? While you
are the best person to decide what makes you happy and
feel special, here are some small things to think about:
a
long, hot bubble bath, get a
Japanese massage, go for a
manicure/pedicure/facial,
wear a new item of clothing (even if it is just a new
panty or T-shirt), and do something different that
you have never done before but have thought about doing
(e.g. if you fantasize about gambling in
Vegas or taking a long
road trip or wearing low cut tops, like
Ali Larter, or whatever).
Trust me, when you
indulge yourself and treat yourself special, you will feel so
much better about yourself and others will respond. If you
project an image of being weak, afraid, and
insecure,
others will treat you bad. On the other hand, if you come
across as
confident and someone who can have fun on her own, others
will start to worship you. (Related:
Beauty
standards for plastic surgery)
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