Nanette
writes, "I'm a 28 year old newly
single mother of 3. I have an 11, 7 and 2 year old.
Shortly after my split, I befriended a 21 year old man.
We started
becoming intimate, and I remember thinking it was a
"safe bet" since neither of us
wanted a relationship. Well, we are now
dating! He seems to be amazing with not just myself,
but my children too. My question/fear is this. I
sometimes wonder if this is just a phase; it's new and
exciting and bringing him a lot of
attention. His friends know me as the "Yummy
Mummy", but the scary thing is my children are
really starting to take to him. I don't want them, or
myself, to
get hurt. How do I know if he is
mature
enough to understand what he's dealing with and
if
he's serious about us? I really didn't mean for this to
happen!!"
Let
me ask you this question Will your reaction be any
different if this man were 29 years old? Probably not!
Any time a
single mom has a
relationship with a new mom these doubts are natural
regardless of the age of that man.
And I am sure that you have met 28 year olds that have
the mental capacity of a 15 year old and also met 18
year olds that are smarter than some in their 30s.
How to make sure that the younger
lover is in it for the long run?
I think this man knows what he is getting into.
Otherwise, he will run from a
single mom from day one.
There are men who like children a lot and he is one of
them. I think you should spend next several months to
test if his attraction is genuine. For instance, you
want to make sure that he is not nice to kids just
because it will help him look better in your eyes. You
also want to make sure that he is there for the kids in
a pseudo-dad
role for a very long time. I am also a bit concerned
that you met him rather
quickly after your divorce. That is the most
vulnerable period in a
single mom's life, so give yourself enough time to
test if he is the man for you.
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