James was sentenced for 5 years in prison because of wife battery and abuse and a year later his wife divorced him. During his absence she never remarried nor dated any man but preferred to concentrate her efforts on taking care of the boys. That call shook her life again. She was facing one of the greatest challenges of her life again but this test was going to show to her if she was stronger now and in control of her life now. 

What would you do in this situation? Have you ever been in a situation when you thought you had moved on after a bad relationship and then your ex comes to haunt you? Sometimes he may try to charm you; in other cases, he might try to use your friends and family members to change your mind. In many cases, he might even try to force you. (Related:  How to treat your ex)

Life is precious and we only live once and how we use it depends so much on the decisions we make for ourselves. We have a mind that helps us to think and focus on priorities and help us to make intelligent decisions. So when your ex-lover (or boyfriend or spouse or partner) comes back or wants to come back, it is not time to get excited, anxious, emotional or fearful but a time to reflect and think seriously about what you really want. The beauty about it all is that now you are in charge and you are wiser now and you should look at this challenge as a second chance to do something right for yourself with open eyes.  (Related:  Selma Blair divorce)

It is also important that you know this and store this at the back of your mind: In whatever we do, there is a reason why we do it and there are certain results that we expect to get from what we decide to do. Wounds may dry and heal leaving scars but a small cut may reopen them and the pain on the old wound is so much deeper.  (Related:  How to get a divorce from abusive husband?)

Whether your ex lover was abusive or not, the first step I believe you should do is to ask yourself a few questions like the ones listed below:

• Why did you break up?
• Did you just need space to think?  Is it that you were too young then or not ready to commit.  (Related article:  How to deal with commitment phobic men?)
• Why was he abusive?  How long did the abuse go on?  Why did you stay this long in an abusive situation?
• What would you gain if you took him back?  Will anything change if you took him back? Will he be different this time? What makes you think so? Are you sure?  (Related: How to let go of an ex?)

When you are able to answer the above questions, it will quicken your memory and make your self esteem and courage come back. This is important. Firstly, because the mind, after some time, heals, forgets and life goes on. The other vital reason is that this man knows you depending on how long you stayed with him, he knows what you like, dislike, strengths and weaknesses and he may use them to get back into your life. 

So there is nothing wrong with mending a relationship and trying to build a new life together, but you have to be more careful, ask the right questions, and only when you are convinced that it is a good idea, you should go ahead. And since you are in the driver’s seat this time, why don’t you set the rules?

Recommended articles:  How to breakup and move on without guilt?     Relationship with ex after breakup   Date someone again

My boyfriend is abusing me