| Monica
writes, "Well, I am 23 and have
never had a boyfriend. I have a
twin sister who walks from one relationship to the
next whereas I have
always been single, so I know it's not the looks. I
have asked my friends, who are all guys, and they say
that they are surprised by this. I am smart, have a
better job than all of them and am studying my Masters
at the same time. I am a bit of a
nerd, though. I also typically do things that the
men in the house do. I also work on our family farm some
time. They say that I might be intimidating. The one
thing that does stick that they have said to me is that
I am too much like a little sister to guys. We tease
each other, I know more about sports than them and can
out-drink them under the table any day of the week. So I
would like to know: do I have to change to stop being
seen as the Little Sister. I definitely cannot stand all
of these cloned
Barbie dolls that they all date but I am willing to
consider some changes. And how do I get a
guy that does not just want to be my friend?"
Never be a fake
Let me first address the issue of you changing. The
answer is a resounding NO because
no one like fakes and I am sure that you will find
it rather hard to be what you are not. Maybe it will
give you some
success in finding a relationship, but in the end
you will find it stressful pretending to be someone that
you are not and a lot of men are very disappointed when
the will find out that you are not an authentic person
but trying to be likable or friendly or charming.
To find the partner of your dreams,
just try harder
I also like to believe that there is always a partner
out there somewhere for everyone. Yes, we all need
to make compromises but in the end there is always
someone out there who likes you the way you are. So I am
sure that there are dozens of
geeks
out in your town wondering why can't they find a girl
like you. So just be patient and try harder to find
them.
Faking is bad, but change is good
Having said that, yes, your problem is that you
are like a guy or probably even a tomboy. Very
few men are
attracted to them as girlfriends but love to hang
out with them as friends because they are like them in
every way. Without abandoning who you really are, you
can start
behaving more like a girl. It could be small things
like
dressing (maybe a
flirty dress instead of
overalls, for example) or
always trying to be like a guy. If you tone it down just
a bit you will start to admire your own
femininity that is hiding somewhere inside you.
There will be no need to kill your interest in sports or
being an outdoors person. Try this out for a few
days as an experiment and see if new people react
differently to you. |
