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| Why I decided to stay in my marriage?
Why I did not marry my boyfriend, who is also married?
| Summary: Patricia is
terribly
unhappy in her marriage, and while she is
friendly with her husband when it comes to their
three kids together, they have
no other relationship in their marriage. Not only
they
live in a sexless marriage, they do not even
share a bedroom any more. While there's not an
open marriage yet, he is aware that she has a
cyber
romance going on
with a married man very far from where they live.
Her preference was that her
married boyfriend would leave his wife and children
and she will leave hers and they could then
get married. They both thought about it a lot and
eventually concluded that there were way too many
complications -- even thought
Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla did it -- and
it would not be right to
separate the kids from one parent. They both agreed
that they should
stay with their spouses for the sake of their kids
but continue to carry on their
affair. Read below the thinking behind the decision
and hopefully
men and
women in similar situations can learn something to
deal with it. |
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So he
listened to what I had to say and we both agree. We love
our children, I love his, too much to hurt them. I
realized I could not hurt his sons or him by tearing him
away from his boys. I told him when he said
he asked his wife for a divorce, several things went
through my mind: WOW! He really DOES love me!, and HOLY
MOLLY! The girls.... his boys..... My mind along with
his was trying to wrap itself around how this was all
going to work out. Where we would live, who was moving
where, etc. A HUGE part of me wanted to be with him and
kept telling myself that it would work out and I will be
okay not having the girls around me 24/7. But that small
part of me was deeply sad and it was growing stronger
every hour I spent with the girls. I also felt his
stress,
pain,
depression, and
anxiety of his thoughts of
losing his boys. I told him I NEVER want to see or
be the cause of his pain and hurt.
I
told him when I went to the
mall with the girls and their friends this weekend I
had such a weight lifted off my shoulder that I wouldn't
have to miss any of these moments with them. I was fine
with he and I loving each other the best way we can. I
do believe
two adults can love each other deeply and still be
there for the children. I told him that I had a long
talk with my hubby and told him that I wanted to work on
a
cohesive partnership for the sake of the girls. I
know I don't love him but I am not a cruel person; I
would never tell him that. He is a
great
friend, a
great father to the girls; we can have a peaceful,
cooperative relationship for the girls' sake.
I
told my BF when he told me he was not going to
divorce his wife, of course a part of me was upset.
I love him and want to be with him, but the other part
of me wants to be with my daughters. When he
asked for space about a month ago to think it over
before making up his mind, my fear was that he would
tell me that
he is staying married to her and didn't want me any
more and was saying
goodbye. He told me that it was why he stayed away
from talking to me because he didn't know how I would
take it. How I would react when he tells me he is not
divorcing her, that he is going to
work on the marriage for the boys. He was afraid
that I was going to say 'Okay then, I understand,
goodbye.' He knew it was a risk. He said he felt all
these things, felt the same way but wanted to make sure
I felt the same also. He will always love me; that will
never change.
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We plan on
meeting for the very first time in person in about six
months when we both will be in the same town; I am attending
a wedding in
Orlando and he is
attending a business conference. If nothing else, at
least for
lunch, and getting to know the person he and I fell in
love with. He wants to spend as much time with me as
possible, plans on taking time off work. We also discussed
the option to
spend a weekend together. I don't want to over-think or
analyze this. Of course I will think about it, but
over-thinking will just stress him out because his family
wants to join him for the
weekend to visit Disney. I would love to just be
at the same park or the same place that he is with the boys
so I can see his interaction with them. I would love to
have
that memory. I don't want to approach them, just observe
his interaction from a distance. He said he would be up for
that, would love that. Having discussed all of this, six
months is a long ways away and things could change. I am
realistic enough to know he may say I can't meet you. I
would hope he will at least go to lunch with me. No physical
interaction needed other than a wonderful time with two
caring friends. This would be a journey where I have
beautiful memories etched in my life. He wants it too.
He
mentioned that we have unconventional, sub-optimal
circumstances that make it so hard and keep us apart. I told
him that just requires thinking outside the box. People have
their options of
how they would do things, or what they would do in our
situation, but I believe that he and I need to
create our OWN way of doing things because it is about
US, not what everyone else has experienced or felt.
Having
said all of that, I told him to please understand the
following: Do I still want to physically be with you? HELL
YES! Please just accept that for what it is and not as a
pressure to have you be with me. He said he wants to be with
me too. I said I understand but I want to be with you when
you can completely be with me without regret. He said I WANT
to be with you. I said we have six months for him to make
sure that is what he wants.
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| Related:
What should a married woman do if she loves a married man
Why is Eva Mendes not married |
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