How to get rid of bad friends?
Debbie writes, “I take a close look at what’s going on in my relationships and try to evaluate the situations and make the best and healthiest choice for myself but I have two girlfriends that I secretly am at a major crossroads with. I struggle to decide if we can have a meaningful friendship. Will being in contact with these two girl friends affect my life negatively? Because long story short, both of them are completely codependent and cannot go more than one day to a month without being in a relationship with a man. And very unhealthy relationships might I add. Relationships where every free minute they have is spent with that person, choosing that person over friends and family. They are with people who dictate their lives (whether they know it or not) and they continually get with guys that are of bad character, that is, mentally, physically and emotionally abusive people. Guys that are still married, or in the process of a divorce, guys that have children they do not support, take care of or even see, guys that have criminal backgrounds for very serious offenses, one of which was convicted of rape. I do not agree at all with their choices and really don’t enjoy being around them or talking to them like I used to but at the same time I don’t want to be a “cold shoulder” or a “bad friend” but I have continued to give them advice that just falls on deaf ears. Where do I go from here to better my life and relationships with these people? What should I do?”
Regarding those girl friends, my suggestion is that it is OK to spend some time with them occasionally to have a meal together or go shopping, but count them out as your friends. There is no reason to waste your time in trying to change them — it is nearly impossible even for a spouse to change adult behavior. I think eventually they will move on and it will be a polite and amiable end to the friendship with no one hurt since you will cut them off gradually.
Your time is precious and use it wisely.
My wife does not like me wearing panties
William writes, “I am a heterosexual, 52 year old male and I love to wear panties. I like the French-cut or hi-cut styles, with colors, and lace also. I wear them secretly, and have done so all my life. I am married and finally built up the nerve to expose my fetish/desire to my wife about a year ago and she wants no part of it! Well, what can I do, go back to secretly wearing them? I love the feel and comfort, and yes, it is erotic as well. It actually makes our sex life very exciting, but she does not appreciate my fetish.”
You are not alone in sending me an email like this. Many men in your situation have told me that their wives completely freak out; one guy even ended up with a divorce because his wife thought he was a pervert or gay or just not for her.
Having said that, many women do warm up to the idea if one starts off slowly rather than just saying right away (in which case they start to think that you are probably gay, a thought more scaring to women than if you were a murderer or terrorist). Some men have had success when they put her panties on as something playful while having sex or something that made them bond with their wife better or they are out of clean underwear. See if you can come up with something clever like this and let her realize that you are not gay or bisexual; you just enjoy them for their fabric and design choices.
Can a man wear a skirt in public?
We have crossdressers and then men who like to just wear feminine underwear in secret or occasionally with the approval of their partners as a way to spice up their relationship. However, men wearing pantyhose or men in skirts in public is still somewhat rare.
No wonder then that the New Orleans Police Department harassed Jeremy Don Kerr, who wore a black pinstriped skirt with button-down oxfords or T-shirts. According to him, skirts more comfortable than pants. Who could argue that?
What is even more interesting is that according to Kerr, “Women love it.”