As
far as foreign men are concerned, we would probably not
recommend the nanpa (picking up a person in a
public place) method to them. They may very well frighten
the Japanese woman they select so much that she might
run off teary eyed, madly seeking out the next koban
(or police box), though I have never heard of one such
instance. The inexcusable behavior of a few American
servicemen in Okinawa has not helped the cause of other
gaijin
men who might just want to do what Japanese do all the time.
At any rate, to our knowledge, it's hardly necessary
for foreign men to make such moves anyway when they can
so easily find interested and hopeful Japanese girlfriends
just about anywhere they go! Any English conversation school
or gaijin bar is proof enough of that. We have heard
from hundreds of gaijin women who are constantly approached
(or begged) by their Japanese girlfriends to introduce them
to foreign guys. Unfortunately most Japanese women are too
shy to try nanpa but they have been known to be
intimate on the first date or to go out on a ‘date’ with the sole
purpose of getting laid.
(Related article: How
to approach Japanese women?)
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The
western women are generally quite used to being hit in bars,
restaurants, and parties that if they do get
approached by a
Japanese man for nanpa, they are not inclined to
react with fear. If anything, they might likely feel a bit
flattered since many of them find the Japanese so
inscrutable and difficult to approach.
(Related article: A
real nanpa story from Kyoto)
Jennifer,
who moved to Japan from America three years ago, with a big
drive being her strong attraction to Japanese
men. She
assumed, incorrectly, that it would be easy to get a
boyfriend here. She tells us, “I've found that if I do not
approach Japanese men first, they will simply assume that I
am not interested in them and that I can't speak Japanese
(which I can). It drives me nuts that Japanese men assume
western women do not find them appealing! Sometimes
I feel like I need to wear a
t-shirt that says
"Japanese men PLEASE talk to me!"
(Related article: How
to attract men?)
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 While
a small group of Japanese men is now interested in dating
(marriage is still relatively rare) foreign women, Japanese
men have not been the ones to take initiative with them.
In fact foreign women are among the loneliest of
people in Japan. The
gaijin men are getting so much attention from
Japanese
girls that they deliberately ignore them and
Japanese men are too shy to approach them.
In this case, it is relatively safe for gaijin girls
to try nanpa or at least a milder version of it.
In the worst case, the guy will simply smile and move
on or you might be rewarded, as Jennifer did.
“I nanpa-ed him. I saw him on the street
corner and I made my move. It wasn't the first time I had
done such a thing either. Some men have found my
aggressiveness frightening and literally ran away from me,
but others have been quite receptive and flattered. Nanpa
is done in a public place, so there is very little risk of
getting hurt. As far as exchanging numbers and arranging
dates, one simply has to use the same caution they would in
any other situation. Had I not been aggressive in this way,
I highly doubt that I would be involved with a Japanese man
right now. Sometimes, I think that the issue isn't whether
or not nanpa is safe, but rather that it is simply
the ONLY way”, she tells us.
(Related:
African American women and Japanese men)
Here
are a few more tips for women who want to try nanpa
in Japan:
(1)
Dress
well so that you are not confused with someone who is too
desperate and will run off with the wallet.
(2)
It
helps to know some Japanese though fluent Japanese might
actually be a disadvantage.
So if you do speak fluent Japanese, try it only when
you actually halfway there.
Speaking broken Japanese is likely to invite a higher
level of interest.
(Related:
Do Japanese
men like American girls)
(3)
Do
not persist.
Give
up if your trick does not work.
Try a new trick or approach new men.
(4)
Watch
out for your safety too.
Keep a cell phone with you and suggest a love hotel
in an area that you know reasonably well.
Have sufficient cash to get a taxi back home.
Also carry a proper ID with you in case you
get into
trouble.
Recommended links: How
to attract men? Move
to Japan Date
with a Japanese man Obsession
with Japanese men
How to seduce a Japanese man
How to find
out if a guy really likes me?
Can
a girl ask a guy out?
How to approach a neighbor
How to introduce my Japanese boyfriend to my parents
How
fast to move if I really like a guy
What type of girls do guys like |
