Plastic Surgery

Advice on cosmetic surgery, beauty, and makeovers. More about Pierre Coda.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Should women propose marriage to men?

Sounds kind of weird but that is a challenge that many women face, particularly from commitment phobic men. I thought that the issue of women asking out men for a date was settled a long time ago. In other words, in a society where we want to treat women as equals, they should be able to do whatever men are able to do, for instance, ask a man out for a date, pay for a meal, buy a gift, suggest intimacy or seduce a man, and finally propose marriage.

Last night I was watching Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, and Melissa, who has a steady boyfriend (they also live together) has no patience for him to propose. The Gal Pals then make it all happen along with an engagement ring. Apart from a makeover for her and their apartment, they also arranged for a limo to pick them up for a ride to the Marina del Rey and then a meal at Café del Rey. Pool Melissa! She was scared to death but she did it, and the guy said yes. And the episode ended at a very happy note. Melissa discovered her inner beauty and got to marry the man of her dreams.

Why do men wait to make a proposal?

There are several theories out there, but based on my extensive discussions with men I have learned that it is mainly their fear about the future of the relationship. Many a times they fully understand the hints that the women give but then try to hold off as long as they can.

Should women take control by proposing?

Absolutely! It does sound awkward and you have to make sure that you will only hear a "YES". Like Melissa, you do not need a limo to bring you to a fine restaurant. You can simply choose an appropriate moment to do it. It could even be just your backyard on a moonlit night if that is all you can afford, but you can definitely make it special by dressing up, decorating the venue, and getting the sequence of events right leading up to the question. (Related article: How to find out if a man likes you?)

What if the guy says No?

First, pay attention to what the reason is. If it is a valid reason to wait, there is nothing wrong with it. But if it is avoidance of commitment or he does not feel the same way about you as you do, there is an opportunity to reevaluate your relationship. Do you want to work on your relationship to take it to the next level? Or is it a good time to puruse different paths? (Related article: How to handle rejection?)

Recommendations for women
  1. If you think you have found the man you want to marry, then work towards it the day you know it. Hopefully, it will happen on its own; if not, just do it as Melissa did it.
  2. If you want to act like a man, then you must also have the guts of a man. So if he does say No, there is no need to get devastated and go into depression. Just move on gracefully.
Recommended article: Meeting a man who is ready to commit

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