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A
German who lives in Japan writes, "I just
read the article about Japanese people in America who have a hard time making
friends. Do you think the advice given in that article applies also for
foreigners in Japan? It's clear that being with the own people all the time is
no way to get to know the local people. But as a foreign graduate student or
researcher it's just impossible to make friends with Japanese undergraduate
students of the first or second year. Those who learn foreign languages may be
exceptions, but languages in general and languages other than English are
hardly learned in Japan. I once practiced language exchange with a student of
another university and it was a lot of fun, but she ended it after a short
time."
Alex from Spain writes, "I'm a Spanish man that loves Japan and its
culture. I had an e-mail friendships with a
Japanese girl. The things were going
right, but, suddenly, she doesn't answer me. I was asking myself what was
the thing that was going wrong. I want to make Japanese friends but I think it will be impossible because I can't
understand this behavior. It seems like racism."
This is not surprising at all.
Such interaction with Japanese people is common based on emails that we
receive. Almost all visitors or those moving to
Japan to live for few years are strongly committed to immersing themselves in
Japanese culture that they almost try to become Japanese, but they still face
frustrating moments. A vast majority
of these people are disappointed and they end up leaving Japan, mostly with a
bad taste in the mouth. In fact, a study conducted few years ago, found
that foreigners who have lived in Japan do not return to their home countries
with any goodwill towards Japan. On the other hand, the number of
foreigners who either study or work in the United States of America become
strong supporters of America when they return to their countries and typically
end up working for American companies or in general involuntarily promoting
American values in their countries. (Related article: Suggestion
on enjoying Japan)
Why does this happen? The simple truth is that a vast majority of
Japanese would rather not see any foreigners in Japan. Of course, there
are some who are plain shy, or nervous about their foreign language abilities,
or feel uncomfortable among people who are not like them, but most of the other
Japanese would rather see the foreigners get out of Japan. In fact, those
foreigners who have made a very sincere effort to learn the language and the
culture and even married a Japanese, find it even more frustrating since the
better they get at becoming Japanese, the less welcome they are in the society.
(Related:
Heather Schmidt speaks Urdu)
Japanese like to believe that theirs is the most difficult language and they
are the most cultured people in the world and it is impossible for anyone else
to either speak the language like them or to become like them. Thus, while
tourists and short-term visitors might be more acceptable (since they are a
source of amusement for the Japanese), long-term residents and foreigners
committed to Japan are actually perceived as a threat. (Related
article: Experiences
of a foreigner who stayed in Japan)How to make friends in Japan?
While it is true that most Japanese would rather not even see non-Japanese in
Japan, there is a small percentage of people who simply love them and these are
the ones you have to find. These individuals have learned to better
appreciate diversity and find that there is a lot more to learn and see than
what they have been told to see all their lives. The trick is to find
these people and not waste time in convincing the majority about
how good you
are at your Japanese language skills or how you have mastered intricacies of
Japanese culture. Of course, while there is a rare Japanese who is waiting to be
exposed to the beauty of non-Japanese culture and has never had the opportunity,
most average Japanese people have no interest in developing long-term
friendships with the gaijins. (Related:
Dating Japanese women during Japan
trip)
Secondly, remember that a friendship in Japan has a purpose and once that has
been accomplished, Japanese do not consider it polite to prolong it any longer
than that. For instance, when their
language conversation with you is no
longer productive or their friendship with you is no longer exciting,
these people will simply move on leaving the non-Japanese wondering what went
wrong. In most cases, there would be no indications at all and probably no
explanations. So do not take it personally - it's just the way things work
in Japan. As Andrew Stoveken tells MYNIPPON, "They are fascinated by
outside culture yet when outside culture deliberately enters Japan, the Japanese
hate that."
Finally, stick to your original self. Do not try to become a
Japanese. If you become better at the language or master some other
Japanese skill, do not ever try to prove that you are as good as them.
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influence on New Zealand American
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Information
about Japan Japan
as a homogeneous society Honne
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Discrimination
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Dissolving
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