The right approach to dating Asians
A guide for American women

By Alex Brown

I found MYNIPPON to be very helpful. Even though I have only dated Asian guys, I found a lot of similarities with what you said is typical of Japanese guys and of Japanese relationships.

The guys I've dated love rosy cheeks, absolutely ADORE white skin (without freckles, they HATE freckles!), love big eyes, blonde hair, blue eyes, like white girls to wear their hair up, showing off our neck and face, and they LOVE feet. Especially slender feet, they are so pretty. I don't know WHY...I am not sure what makes feet so pretty. They seem to have nothing to do with intimacy. But since Asians consider feet to be somewhat of an object of desire, wearing anklets or nail polish or toe rings or anything to pull the eyes to the feet is a way to attract guys. Although my boyfriend is only 23, he is a little old fashioned.  He was shocked when he found me putting on toe nail polish. He thought I was a "nicer" girl than that. He thought it was bad! I did it anyways of course.  (Related:  How to take care of your feet)

Although your web page stated that in order to catch a Japanese guy you shouldn't try to act so innocent and shy, I found that he totally ate up my shy and innocent act. But then again, maybe he is just being more old fashioned than normal guys.

A hindrance in dating Asians, I have been told by many of my Japanese and other Asian friends, is that their parents told them not to date white girls. This feeling is especially strong if they are the first-born males. Dating other Asians is OK, but not white girls. As for daughters, their parents don't seem to care if they date white guys or not. This may be why one sees more white guys dating Asian girls compared to Asian guys dating white girls. I have also been told that many times Asian guys in the United States won't even try to date American girls because they feel they don't have a chance. I've always had to make the move. 

Asians seem to speak more casually about intimacy. For example, when I was casually hanging out with my boyfriend (before we started dating), he asked me how many boyfriends I had and if I was a virgin. He seemed very nonchalant about it all, I was flabbergasted of course. Another time he said he thought my blue eyes were pretty. I was totally surprised. I thought he was hitting on me, but he was just trying to compliment me. Based on these experiences, I assumed Asian guys had intimacy early in the relationship, but all the guys I dated didn't date casually, they were only dating for the pursuit of marriage. It took six months until my current boyfriend was ready to take that step. However, my Japanese guy friends don't treat dating so seriously as the Honk Kong, Taiwanese, and Chinese do.  (Related article:  How to find the first relationship of your life?)

Dating someone from another country was not as impossible as I first thought. Cultural differences do not seem to be a problem at all. The two main differences/conflicts that I have ever had with my Asian boyfriends are saying "I love you," and saying "I'm sorry." Maybe it is true with other Americans, I easily say "love" or "hate" something. But I have experienced that my Asian friends always try to be neutral about things and will rarely say they love it or hate it. I always say, "Love you" when I end a phone conversation with my family or with my boyfriend, but he might only say it a few times a year. They are more reserved with saying things and would rather "show" me how they feel through their actions. This is fine, but when we have an argument and I am clearly the one in the right, I practically have to pull an arm and a leg to get him to say "sorry." If he doesn't say it, I will never know if he knows he did wrong or if he is sorry.  My boyfriend says it is his pride that prevents him from saying it right away and would rather say it the next day. But I am afraid that if I silently wait for him to say it, he never will. But that really isn't a big problem; we plan on getting married next June. I've found that in Asian relationships: if you are a white girl trying to get an Asian guy, all you have to do is make first contact. Talk to them and show them you are interested, they will take care of the rest!

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