 If you are reading this article because you are shy or are attracted to someone who is
or even if you have a shy friend or family member, please note that most forms of shyness can be taken care of with just a little bit of help. Some on your own and the rest from friends and family members who are committed to help. Only in very serious forms of shyness you will need medical help, and if that is the case, you should seek it. There are many
professional therapists and counselors that specialize in treatment of shyness and it is best if you approach them right away.
(Related article: How
to conquer shyness?)
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Let us review the case of Ashes, 17, in Martinez, GA. Just read
how much damage she has done to her self-esteem and
personality because of her shyness. She says, "I have never in my life have had a boyfriend. However, recently, I opened up a bit and found out that the guy that I have liked for years now, likes me as well. Yet there is a problem. We are both still very, very shy and he also has
never really been in a relationship. Anyway, thanks to a mutual friend he knows that I like him as well (that's how I found out about how he feels). That was about a month or two ago and we still haven't talked yet. I
gave my number to my friend to give to the guy I like but that was weeks ago. I know he is shy and that he hasn't had a chance to give me a ring so it isn't as if I am upset about it. I understand completely since I am very shy myself. I just don't know if I should give any more hints or not. I see him in school a lot and I do know I catch his eye when I walk past him. For the longest time we both did the same thing where we would purposely
avoid eye-contact when passing each other in the hallways. In fact, he still does that but when I look away from him as well, a friend will tell me that he will look straight at me. Although this is a cute game, I would much rather begin talking to him. However, I can be very patient and give him as much time as he needs. What I really want is for him to feel comfortable around me. If I keep telling myself that he is just as afraid as I am then I can at least muster the confidence to wave or
wink at him flirtatiously (and then smile really big and look sheepishly away). Hey, I think if I wave, he probably won't respond because he'd be too shy too. But that's cute. Anyway, if you could give me some advice that would be so lovely. I have been a fan of
mynippon.com for a while now and haven't really sent anything in before. I hope you can help me." |
The first thing that impresses us is that you have admitted to yourself that you need to
take
action to overcome your shyness. While we would encourage you to work on overcoming your shyness over the long term, here is the action plan we
recommend to deal with the current situation, that is, get you and this dream boy talking to you:
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Seek the help of the mutual friend to arrange an event that will bring you two together. The event can have other people too but it should be small enough so that you two can talk. Some examples that we suggest are a hike or a picnic or just a get together at someone's home.
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We understand that it can be hard since you both are so shy but when you do come face-to-face with him, do not think of him as some kind of a big deal. Just talk to him as you would talk to anyone else in your group of friends and family members. Is it too hard to talk to him as you talk to your mutual friend or to a cousin?
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You do not have to
be romantic or engage in serious discussion on
global warming. Just chat about what most 17-year olds do: music,
fashion, sports, whatever you find interesting. Remember that many
shy men do not have a lot to share even when they know a lot about something. So it will be helpful to find out from the mutual friend what are one or two areas that he likes to talk about. Because you do not want to end up in a situation that after a few short replies from him, you guys run out of topics to talk. Therefore, it is better to talk about what he likes. In that case, you can be a good listener and ask many questions and if you know something then you can provide your input as well.
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Finally, make sure that you
agree on the next steps. Something like, "It was really nice
to talk to you and I would love to stay in touch with you.
How about we exchange emails/phone numbers? Maybe we get
together to work on our science project!" This takes the
pressure off from both of you to making that dreaded phone
call.
Recommended: How
to deal with shyness in relationships? Tips
on finding a lesbian relationship
How
to be a cool woman?
Shy boyfriend
How to
talk to girls
Signs of
a shy guy
How to be comfortable in my own skin |
